Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
