Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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