Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
