I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
