i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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