i think my tv is drunk
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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