Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
