Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy