Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
