shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am in a vortex of obligation.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
