Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
