dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
