Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
