Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
