that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
