everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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