Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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