We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
