No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
