I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
