i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
