i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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