i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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