hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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