I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cannot find my penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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