You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
