Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
