my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She bit a glass in half.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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