Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
