ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
