I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
