I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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