I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
