I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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