I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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