are you so shy because you have an std?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
