i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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