i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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