so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
