Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
