you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
