Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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