Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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