I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
