no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
