im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
