and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
