Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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