Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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