theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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