How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
