I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
