i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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