just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
