So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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