The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
