literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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