Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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