So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
