Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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