I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
