Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
