Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
