Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
