were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
