Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
