All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize