I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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