For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am naked and annoyed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
