I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
